in the darkness i will meet my creators
by Seph Meadowes
Summary: You can take the girl out of the coyote but you can't take the coyote out of the girl or maybe it's the other way round?/ I'm a foolish, fragile spine./ OR Malia doesn't want to speak and that's okay with Isaac.


**I started writing this at the beginning of Season 3B after the second episode so understandably this is very uncanon.**

* * *

**in the darkness i will meet my creators**

_You can take the girl out of the coyote but you can't take the coyote out of the girl or maybe it's the other way round?/ I'm a foolish, fragile spine./ OR Malia doesn't want to speak and that's okay with Isaac._

* * *

The dog barks at her when she enters the – _her_, or what it used to be and maybe now again – room. And the part of her that is used to digging her paws into the earth, sharp teeth showing and eyes flashing crouches down unto the pink carpet, blunt fingernails digging into it and she growls low into her throat, blunt teeth ready to bite, for a fight.

And it's only when her father is staring at her in shock from the doorway, eyes not looking away from her glowing blue eyes does she pull back and realize – _I am human again. Not coyote. Human._

But she continues to sit on the carpet and stare at her father, words she was so used to not be able to utter dying in her mouth. How does she explain all this to him? How does she explain – _Papa, I turn into a coyote and I'm the reason Mama and Leah are dead._

She knows it won't lead to anything good so she backs up until she's pressed against the wall and waits for him to do something.

He walks away quietly.

The dog stays and he's still growling at her.

She growls back until it goes away.

* * *

Having missed eight years of schooling, her Papa wisely decides to have her homeschooled. He thinks of getting her a tutor but her odd behavior and aversion to speaking make him change his mind and he tutors her himself.

It's difficult. In those years, she longed to be human again, she never thought about college applications and career choices and math.

As a coyote, it was all about survival. All about catching prey, running from hunters and protecting her den from other animals. It had been just her and nature and she had accepted that after a while.

She never thought she had to return to all this ever again. She had given up. And yet there she is. And she doesn't know how to fix herself.

The human boy, the one whose scent she remembers because he's always with that alpha wolf that helped her turn human again, arrives at her house one day.

Her father had asked the Sheriff for help with her acclimation back to society. Or at the least help her understand the importance of an education and the Sheriff volunteers his son.

"Hi," The boy greets her somewhat awkwardly, a bit nervously as he enters the living room. She's sitting on the couch, watching cartoons on the TV and she stares at him warily as her father explains how 'Stiles' is going to be helping her.

She continues to stare at him until he starts to squirm.

Her father leaves them alone and Stiles takes a seat on her Papa's armchair and opens his backpack to take out a textbook, a notebook and a pen.

"Well, how about we start with basic arithmetic?" He asks with a smile. "What's the last thing you remember?"

She just blinks.

He nods to himself, as if expecting this. "Okay, then."

* * *

Stiles is a surprisingly good teacher despite her refusal to give a verbal reply to anything he says. He likes to talk, makes sarcastic remarks and is prone to exaggeration. But he's clever despite how he tends to babble.

He quickly finds a way around her no-speaking thing by paying attention to her expressions and mannerisms. When she taps the page on the notebook, it means she doesn't understand and he should explain again. If she nods, she gets it.

Simple, really. And it works.

"I have a treat for you today," He tells her as he takes a seat at the kitchen table or their 'homeschool classroom' as he calls it and takes a book out of his backpack and hands it to her. "I know this is a bit advanced for you but I know you can handle it."

She eyes the cover: _The Metamorphosis._

She taps the cover with her finger and he explains.

"It's about this man who wakes up to find himself transformed into a giant insect." He laughs at her confused expression. 'I know it's not about-" he whispers the next word, "-_coyotes_…but I tried to find something similar. And _Blood and Chocolate_ was a bit off."

She nods and he takes out his usual notebook, pen and a different textbook and they begin.

* * *

A few days later, the alpha wolf comes and Malia instantly stiffens and sits up straighter in her chair, feet ready to push it back so she can get up and run if needed but Stiles pats her arm with a smile. "Relax, Scott's here for me."

He goes to open the door and lets the alpha in and Malia tightens her hold on her pen and folds into herself, trying to make herself smaller somehow.

But the alpha isn't aggressive or even domineering as she expects him to be, instead he greets her with a warm smile and takes a seat with Stiles at the table with her, taking the seat beside his friend. "How have you been?" He asks.

And she looks at Stiles who just sighs exasperatedly. "I told you she doesn't talk."

"I thought you were exaggerating." Scott replies and Scott gaps at him.

"Right. And you thought maybe because you're an alpha, she'll be more inclined to talk to you," Stiles rolls his eyes. "You are such an alpha diva."

Scott protests and the two banter back and forth effortlessly. Malia watches them and smiles in amusement, letting out a giggle at a particular comment Scott gave and the two boys turn to her in surprise.

"She's never done that before," Stiles looks at Scott in disbelief. "How did you do that?"

Scott shrugs, smiling at her and then more smugly at Scott. "Alpha."

Stiles rolls his eyes but seems pleased anyway.

* * *

Stiles continues homeschooling her and the alpha comes around more regularly. She realizes then that Stiles is part of the pack even though he is human.

Scott is an alpha and in her old world of instincts and nature, she knows that means he is in charge. And yet Stiles makes sarcastic remarks and even questions Scott's decisions like no beta would ever try.

The dynamic might be diffrent because Stiles isn't a wolf and yet even Malia who isn't one either understands that she must submit to Scott. So what power does Stiles have to be able to stand up to his alpha?

"Okay, Scott that is not how you solve for that problem." Stiles snatches the pen from Scott's stronger hands. "Malia, don't listen to Mr. Alpha-ness here. He might be the fittest in the jungle but in high school, he's just another jock who needs help to pass his classes."

"Hey!" Scott protests but he's grinning.

Malia watches in fascination as always and finally understands. Scott lets Stiles have power. He gives Stiles the freedom to speak, to think. For if Scott is strength then Stiles is intelligence.

They balance each other out, benefitting both in the dynamic. Like flowers and bees. Or that Disney movie with the orange fish and that aneme-something he lives in.

And Malia is even more fascinated.

* * *

Another member of the pack comes over one afternoon as Stiles is trying to teach her some World History. It all makes her head hurt because there are so many things she really can't grasp, so many big words and names. Her head aches and she taps practically on every word on a page while Stiles gets more frustrated.

Finally she has enough and tosses the thick History book to the floor. Stiles practically jumps back into his seat. "Okay, okay. We can have a break."

He moves to pick up the bothersome book on the floor when there's a knock at the backdoor. Malia smells them before she can see them. She recognizes the alpha, Scott almost as regular there in her home as Stiles but she doesn't know the other wolf.

And she can smell he's a wolf underneath a spritz of cologne, soap and sweat. The unfamiliarity makes her curl into herself like the first time with Scott, eyes on the door as Stiles opens it.

"Hey Scott! Where have you – Oh, _you_." Stiles isn't aggressive but he's not congenial either. "Why are you here, Isaac?"

"Scott asked me to be here," A defensive reply. Malia imagines their talk like lions circling each other before lunging. "Right, Scott?"

"Right." The alpha sounds sheepish which she still finds odd. "I was thinking maybe Malia would like to learn more about her were-coyote thing and Isaac-"

"Wait, wait, why_ Isaac_ then? Why not Derek? Or some other more capable werewolf?"

Malia moves so she can finally see the face of 'Isaac', walking soundlessly but still mindful to keep out of sight.

The alpha must sense her though and grins. "Hi, Malia"

She grins at Scott as she stands beside Stiles at the doorway. The other wolf beside the alpha is taller with pale skin and light blue eyes. She can smell the gel in his hair and imagines it wild and free, his naked skin covered in dirt.

He's looking right at her and swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing. She tries to place his scent and remembers one of her father's bear traps he'd found bloodied and torn up the day after she returned.

Blood and skin dried on the metal and now she knows is _Isaac._ His blood scent still fresh in her head.

"Malia," Scott is alarmed. "Your eyes."

She blinks and realizes her eyes must be that cold blue she often sees in the mirror when she feels more animal than girl. She tries to calm herself, trying to remember she is _girl, human_.

_Malia Tate. Seventeen. Daughter._

She's not- _Nameless. Coyote. Boundless._ -anymore.

She breathes in and out even when her hands clench, remembering _paws on dirt and leaves, claws and teeth as she ate her prey, cold nights with only her fur for warmth and the moon's lullaby like a siren telling her to run and be unbound._

She realizes what she's doing isn't working until one of the boys takes her hands in his, unclenching each digit until her muscles loosened. She looks up and finds Isaac looking down at her, expression understanding as he tells her, "Find an anchor."

She can only look at him, trying to form the words to speak but her tongue remains useless. He must see her confusion because he continues to hold her gaze, his strong hands caressing the insides of her wrists that feel so fragile in his grip. "Your anchor is what keeps you human,"

She tries to remember the things that remind her of humanity. Her family used to be it, her Mama, Leah and her Papa. But she killed all of them, even her Dad too in a way. And she wants to go back to the forest, back to being an animal who only understands survival and little else.

Still even in her fur, she remembered Leah's face during full moons when all she wanted to do was howl out all her sorrows.

_Leah. _Think of Leah and her dolls, crayons and high laugh.

Baby sister. _Leah_. Sister.

_Human_.

Malia releases a breath as she relaxes for the animal instincts are at bay once more.

Isaac looks relieved as well as the others, his blue eyes bright as he smiles at her softly.

He's still holding on to her wrists.

* * *

Like his alpha, Isaac becomes a regular fixture at her homeschool classroom. Though he and Scott just spends their time talking sports or some other male human things she can't really care about.

Most often she catches Isaac watching her and she doesn't mind. She watches him too.

She's seen nature, watched the season as male and female animals try to get each other's attentions. She's seen males fight for a female. She's seen males and females mate for offspring

It's been all about nature. Spring comes with new little animals, prey for her at times. It's a cycle of birth and death that never ends.

She feels warmth in her and wonders how humans attract their mates. Sometimes the male does the work and sometimes the female. She does not know about this part of human society and it makes her ache with her ignorance.

All she thinks of when he's near is heat. She wants to feel the warmth of his skin, wants to feel it over her, in her. She wants him on the forest floor to take her, to dominate her. And she will submit, all ready and wanting.

Stiles notices she's not paying attention and tries to get her back to learning about some dead president. She ignores him.

He bows his head and turns around to glare at Isaac and Scott. "You're distracting her. _Leave_."

Scott looks eager to leave, probably sensing the tension between his beta and the coyote girl. "I'll call you later, Stiles."

The alpha heads straight for the kitchen door and Isaac follows but slower, eyes never breaking eye contact from Malia until the very last second.

* * *

She finally meets the last two members of the pack and they're both female. Having been around only the males for so long, Malia is unaccustomed to being around other girls who constantly smell nice and seem to know how to make the males do as they say.

The taller female is human but a hunter, her steps soundless and her movements precise. Malia remembers the season for when humans go into the woods for prey and she has to run for her life.

She tries not to cower from the other girl because hunter or not, she is still female. And whoever is the dominant female controls that portion of the pack.

And Malia is pack now whether anyone admits it or not. She hasn't noticed herself until that moment.

The shorter one likes to talk like Stiles, has all these big words and facts that even the other humans can't follow. She's almost aggressive and definitely not human.

_Banshee_, Isaac explains to her with a smirk like there's some joke there she can't get.

The small female is soft though despite her clever mouth, all delicate flesh and she would crumble and beg underneath Malia's claws. She'd bleed as Malia bites into her neck and she'd bathe in rust.

Even the hunter if she ever caught her off-guard could break underneath her like child's play dough. She wants to sink her teeth into Allison when the huntress smiles at Isaac. The coyote wants to break out and claim him_. He's yours. He wants you. Take him._

She lets out a growl and knows her eyes are that cold blue. The others are startled and the alpha looks ready to subdue her but she escapes him, running on her human legs as fast as she can out the door.

The dirt and leaves feel almost heavenly underneath her bare feet. This she remembers, this was familiar. She wants her fur coat and claws again more than anything so she gets down on all fours and runs, feeling skin and bone morph.

And then there she is in her true form, running fast through the woods, back to her real home. The pack is pursuing her and she runs faster.

"Malia!" She doesn't know who shouts her name. Their voices sounding the same in this form. "Malia! Stop!"

She runs until it's all she knows.

It's night again and the others have stopped or at least resting. The wolves could chase her for days if they want but the humans could not.

She stays safe in the new den she's made. This is her home.

And it feels better than an old room with ghosts and an ugly pink carpet.

* * *

It's Isaac that finds her. She wakes up the moment she hears him near the entrance of her den. She draws into herself and growls as he crawls into the small space, long limbs unable to fit. He grins at her despite his discomfort.

"Hey, you gave us quite a scare there," He cocks his head to the side, smile so pleasant it makes her ache. "Come on. Let's go home."

This is her home but she can't speak, even less so in this form.

"Come on, Malia." He reaches out for her and she growls at him, teeth bared. He moves back but doesn't leave. "I'll camp out here all night if I have to."

She watches him, ear perked as he moves out of the den and lies down at the dirt outside.

She knows he's still there. She can smell him and hear him grumbling to himself.

She laughs inside her head, knowing she can't really laugh as a coyote.

* * *

She lets him stew outside some more until crawling out.

He sits up when she stops in front of him, looking as amused as a coyote could be.

His look of relief melts away when she shifts back to her human skin and his face is bright red as she stares at her naked form. He stammers for a moment before taking off his coat and wrapping it around her.

"Are you cold?" He asks as she's openly smirking at him now.

_Silly wolf boy. _

She shakes her head to tell him that she isn't cold and he gives her an embarrassed smile before taking her hand and leading her away.

* * *

Malia learns to adjust to the dynamics of the pack. She's still not that friendly with the females but she at least doesn't growl at them anymore. The alpha says that it's rude to do so.

Unless the huntress goes near Isaac then she can't really be bothered to control herself. After the first few times, Isaac senses the pattern and avoids being near Allison when Malia can see anyway.

Her afternoons are filled with the pack in her kitchen, constantly talking and in a way she feels like she's found a new den.

* * *

Her nights she spends on the roof of her house, easily climbing up from her bedroom window. She likes to watch the sky and tries to remember Stiles' astronomy lessons but she can't quite grasp the names of stars and constellations.

She smells him before she hears him. And she smirks to herself as Isaac climbs up her house to sit beside her. "Sorry to just drop in on you like this but…." He says. "I had this feeling you wouldn't kick me out if I came."

She wants to ask what he means but he just shakes his head at her and smiles.

And this becomes their thing.

* * *

The full moon so near, the heat she feels inside her is practically a forest fire. And even cold showers can't seem to lower her body temperature.

Her father thinks she has a fever and considers rushing her to the hospital but she refuses, choosing instead to press ice cubes against her heated flesh to abate the torment.

The pack find her rubbing an ice cube on her collarbone and the skin of her chest not covered by her tank top. Stiles blushes and tries to focus on their new lesson for the day while Scott pretends he sees nothing.

Isaac is looking at anywhere but her and the girls are whispering to each other, staring at her suspiciously.

She glares at them all and takes her usual seat at the kitchen table as Stiles tries to speak coherently.

* * *

The cooler temperature that night does little to abate the heated sensations on her skin and she stares at the nearly full moon in the sky and wants to growl at it. She'd felt this before but in her fur, where she could howl her need and her guilt for murdering her family kept her numb.

But in her human skin it's harder to escape as she becomes aware of the males of her species. Isaac in particular invades her thoughts. She imagines his touch on her and she can't stay still on her bed and go to sleep.

She gets up on the roof and waits for Isaac, wondering if he'd come tonight or not. Sometimes he stays away and she longs for him there like the pull of the moon.

When he arrives she brightens and she can feel her body anticipate him, trying to remember his skin on hers the few times he's touched her. His strong grip on her hands then her wrists and phantoms dance across her skin.

He smiles at her as usual as he sits down beside her. He doesn't say something for a moment and just watches the moon. He too is being pulled like her and she wonders if he burns like she does.

He finally looks at her when she touches his shoulder, touch tense but sure. He asks, "What is it?"

She leans closer to press her mouth to his. Animals don't kiss, they lick and rub against each other but humans taste each other's mouths like secrets.

And when he kisses her back, she shivers and learns why. With each peck, he bares to her his soul and she hers.

They don't do more than kiss and it frustrates her but Isaac is adamant to take things slow with her. Even when she can feel his ache underneath his bones, wanting to paint her skin with his name as much as she, he holds back.

And she can't understand at first.

So when his mouth steps at her neck and pulls away, she tries to coerce him back and is rebuffed. "Why?" Her voice is gravelly from years of misuse and he stares at her in shock.

"You talked."

She rolls her eyes, trying to get him closer again. "_Why_?"

"I don't want to take advantage of you," He tells her, blue eyes sincere. "You don't fully understand yourself yet and I'm not going to touch you until you understand who Malia Tate is."

_To be human. _

It doesn't really need to be said aloud.

For you can take the girl out of the coyote but you can't take the coyote out of the girl. Or maybe it's the other way round?

She leaves him on the roof and she falls asleep dreaming of the woods.

* * *

Her father has had enough when after so long she still is more coyote than the daughter he knew. So when he tells her he's sending her to Echo House she bolts, running out of the house as fast as her human limbs can carry her.

She's about to run into the woods but changes her mind, following the road and trying to get a scent of her pack. She can't pick up a good trail and is left wandering a dark town, clueless on where to go.

She decides to go back when a voice stops her. "Hello."

She turns around slowly like a caught rabbit. She can sense a predator a mile away and prepares herself, her hands clenched ready to bring out her claws if she needs to fight.

A man stares back at her with cold glowing blue eyes like her own. "It's nice to finally meet you, Malia."

There's something off about him. Her instincts telling her to run but her blood wants her to stay. There's a connection there hidden between muscle and bone. "Who…are you?"

"I'm Peter Hale," He smiles and it's more wolf than man. "Your real father."

* * *

She wakes to an unfamiliar place and remembers meeting Peter on the street and him taking her to a loft. She sleeps in an unfamiliar bed somebody else used to own, their scent faintly lingering in the room. She wonders if it's a girl too.

Voices are rumbling downstairs and she hears Derek – her cousin, her blood whom she met last night – talking. "She's right upstairs sleeping."

"Why didn't you call us right away?"

That's Stiles.

"Why didn't you call me and tell me that there was a new werewolf about?"

"She's not a werewolf. She's a coyote."

That's alpha.

Derek scoffs. "She looks smaller than a regular wolf because she's a red wolf. They're often mistaken for coyotes."

"Well, wolf or coyote, you gotta give her back."

That's Isaac. Familiar anticipation in her blooms as she longs to see his face.

"No."

"What do you mean 'no'?"

That's the huntress.

"Like I said – no. She's my cousin, my blood. I'm not losing her."

There's a tense pause before alpha asks, "What?"

"She's Peter's daughter," The banshee finally speaks. "Peter made me reach out to Talia Hale to find out what memory she took from him…and it was Malia."

The room of her door opens and the man in question enters, leaning on the doorframe. "Can you believe the show downstairs? I'm half-tempted to join the fun."

The pack is arguing with each other, shouting and accusing each other and Malia covers her ears to drown out the noise.

* * *

Minutes pass and Peter has gone down making the scene downstairs worse. Eventually Isaac sneaks past them and upstairs, finding her room easily.

She sits up as he enters, smiling at her in pure relief. He looks really happy to see her and it warms wants to kiss him so she gives him a light kiss to his mouth when he's near enough.

He moves closer to her and sits down on the bed, smiling when she pulls away. "I found you," He whispers against her mouth.

"You…always do." She smiles back, wanting to wrap herself around him and his scent. "What's...going to…happen now?"

"They're fighting custody over you," Isaac explains. "The pack doesn't want you near Peter."

"Why?"

He frowns, fingers playing with her hair. "Your dad's not a good guy."

"How so?"

She presses her lips to his neck and mouths his name into his skin. He shivers but doesn't stop her.

"It's a long story."

"Tell…me," She sniffs his jaw. "You smell…like this room."

And he does. She recognizes the scent in the mattress and the entire room as_ Isaac_. And it's no wonder she chooses this room out of all the rooms in the loft.

"It smells like me," He chuckles. "It used to be my room when I lived her."

She pulls back in surprise. "Explain."

"I used to be part of Derek's pack back when he was an alpha. He's not an alpha anymore, he wasn't always actually…before him it was Peter and…"

She blinks at him totally confused, not understanding and wanting to.

"It's a really long story, starting with a fire years back…"

She kisses his jaw and pulls him closer till her bones and his melded perfectly around each other. "Tell me…later."

He agrees and kisses her.

* * *

Later, when the pack has left after much arguing with the Hales, Isaac is left behind as he and Malia watch the view outside the large windows of the loft.

Derek and Peter have gone out somewhere and it's just the two of them in the loft. Isaac is behind her, his front pressed to her back, his arms around. She has never felt safer and she wonders if a person can be a den, a home.

He's told her that the pack is his home and she feels like his home too. For his home is gone, along with bad memories of a wrecked family and a locked fridge.

_You are my home_, He mouths into her neck, his breath hot.

She sighs and agrees. _And you are mine_.

"You know if things get ever too crazy you can go back," He tries to sound nonchalant but she can hear the pain in his words. "Back to the woods where you're safe from all this."

She remembers the woods. The simple living of nothing but survival of dirty paws and coyote howls. And a part of her aches and will always ache for it.

But right there in Isaac's arms and knowing she is part of a pack, she feels more invincible than ever. It feels more than enough.

"I think…human will…be enough," She tries her best to find the right words. Humans love words, she knows and she tries. "For now."

_Maybe even forever_, she thinks as Isaac holds her under the moonlight.


End file.
